last rounds are getting interesting...

About two weeks ago...something with my machine went terribly wrong. Instead of giving me my chemo over a period of two days..i received the chemo in one hour. I started to feel stomach pain, but thought i was okay. My doctor thought differently thats why he told me to go to the ER. So, I went to the ER & i still thought i was fine until they moved me a couple hours later into the observation unit. There i started to throw up, my throat hurt so bad it was hard to speak. I threw up & continued to stay in the observation unit for 4 days. I got better & was moved to the cancer unit, stayed there for a day or two & was released. I went home still unable to eat well, but i felt a lot better & I stopped throwing up. My lab works looked really good which surprised me &my doctor. But one Monday i went back to do lab work & that afternoon i received a call to go to the hospital because my blood counts were very low. I needed a platelet transfusion. I got to the hospital & felt weak & sick all over again. My eye was so swollen from a zit that got infected & my body couldn't fight the infection. My left ear was in severe pain & my throat hurt so bad i could barely swallow my own saliva! So a week in the hospital...tons of antibiotics through IV & pill form...two platelet transfusions..two red blood cell shots & five white blood cell shots..Also an overnight in the ICU because of low blood pressure..but i am finally out! Hopefully this wednesday on my follow-up i get to find out if i can recieve chemo again..because my date to leave back home is pushed back..& i am not so happy about that. Oh did..i mention my hair finally fell off...i had a mental break down...okay a couple mental break downs at the hospital..but i think i have it so much better then other people & i am lucky to even be alive right now.. I just pray everything goes smoothly from here on out..& i get to go back home to my baby girl & love.

ps. sorry..i haven't been updating lately..but i hope this post will keep you all up to speed with me! Thank you again for all your support & prayers

with love, BA

one more time

Tired to put this up on my facebook...but it won't for some reason. Throw throw back...my sissy's drey & ticia singing our graduation song written by them "One more time for old time's sake". Oh how i miss those care-free days.

chemo fog/san fran/dita!

Im so sick of being sick!! yes...i am very lucky..i haven't gotten sick til now..but why does it have to be now?A lot of people say im strong..but no i dont think so... I've just been lucky & blessed to not experience such sickness associated with my treatment. & though...earlier i vomited & had a bad headache... i say im a baby... i can't imagine going through this on a daily basis as some people do. I really look up to those people (like my auntie ancha') who become so sick..have to go to the emergency room a couple of times...but come out of it happy..i think if i was her i would be soo soo very much depress! Just this last treatment i experienced something called "chemo fog"... people asked me before if i experienced it, but no..not until this week... Chemo fog.. is like forgetting what you were about to say just as you were going to say it..or reading a sentence over & over again...& still not understanding what you are reading. Some could say thats my beya-ness...but i definitely didnt feel like myself.. so i couldn't even read an article in a magazine during my clinic treatment.

i was really looking forward to this weekend & upcoming week... we have a 5/6 hr drive to San Fransisco tomorrow...that i am definitely not looking forward to! But hopefully the ride will be worth it... im excited to see the golden gate bridge...something california is known for! Then we will go over to san jose for auntie lori's birthday! Also dita is coming over on monday! yay!!!!

My bucket list.....

Before I had found out I had cancer..I was completely content with living my life like tomorrow will always be there. I was a major procrastinator & probably still am...But what has changed is that... I learn life is too short...& i do have so many things i want to try, overcome, & accomplish... So this is my list (in no particular order)

1.Get my BA...my master..probably law degree or PhD.
2.Build my home (hopefully before i turn 25)
3.Get breast implants (pls. dont judge me =D )
4.Learn to fly a plane
5.Learn to surf
6.Build a treehouse & decorate like its not a treehouse..probably hellokitty theme
7.Help the homeless & needy in some way..& not just by giving money
8.Get married (huge wedding)
9.Learn to dance professionally..ballroom/salsa/tap/belly dance..etc.
10.sky dive
11.run a marathon
12. get back into swimming..if not everyday atleast once a week
13.learn chamorro..& become fluent (so i can finally have a real conversation with my nana)
14.learn & become fluent in another language
15.Learn to shoot a gun
16.witness the aurora (northern lights)
17.scuba in the great barrier reef
18.visit the 7 wonders of the world whether it be the ancient,medieval, or modern wonders (preferably these : 1.the great pyramid of giza 2.the leaning tower of pisa 3.the great wall of china 4.the catacombs in egypt 5.the roman Colosseum 6.the taj mahal 7.mount rushmore)
19.learn to sculpt
20.take a cooking/baking class
21.Hot air balloon
22.become financially literate & invest in the stock market
23.swim with dolphins
24.Ride an elephant or camel...preferably the elephant
25.Go & watch the olypmics
26.Meet the pope
27.Ride a horse
28. get my range roover.. or 2nd best the jeep commander

Thats all for now!...i'll add more as other goals come to me =D

what's on your bucket list??

withlove,BA

sdzoo.britney.loveboat.coming home to you!

Monday was such a lovely surprise..while Gabe & I were entering the mall, we saw britney spears!! Unfortunately, i was too slow to take my camera out & Gabe didnt want to run to take her picture when i told him to run. Nonetheless, when i least expected i finally got to see a celebrity while i am here in LA! & britney spears too!!! okay..i guess by now you can tell it doesnt take much to impress me.. =)

Tuesday Gabe & I took cambria to the San Diego Zoo. It was an adventure but what was more was heading there!! It was halirious how even with a gps...we got lost! This must be a topper in my blonde moments..if not the top! I will never forget our first family roadtrip! Cambria loves animals in general so she had a blast just as much as she did when we took her to the pet shop at the mall..LOL. She loved all the water features at the zoo & she loved seeing all the people too.. she is my friendly baby..totally opposite from me! I am more shy..& never said hi or bye to stranges when i was her age...i think i should learn more from her & be more friendly... do you agree?

After, our family outing.. Gabe & I had a romantic dinner at this resturant in Burbankcalled wokcano i wanted to try everytime i go there..so we went & it was not dissapointing..the resturant looks as lovely as the food tasted! I love resturants with vibes like..that.. if your in guam its like nana's cafe or here in the states like the cheesecake factory without the busy-ness!
Oh & if you get the spicy tuna roll at wokcano..it is spicy (or atleast to me)!

What's worse walking away from the one you love or watching them walk away from you when in reality both of you just want to stay together forever & never leave the others' side?

unfortunately, we had to part...& hubby had to go back home, but they say absence makes the heart grow fonder... they say time apart is really a test to see if the relationship will go the distance, so I say... I'll finish up with my treatment...become the better me & as soon as i can i'll come back home i'll come back to you forever! This past 8 days were wonderfully amazing! Gabriel Taitague you are amazing! I am so thankful for having a partner like you. I am so in awe how cambria & you get along great..it makes my heart so happy you love her like she is yours. Im excited to start the rest of our life together!

lately

hey everyone!! sorry i haven't been updating y'all lately... so this blog should make up for it!

Sissy& leisha came for about a week & that week went by way too fast! We went to vegas & had an awesome time. 3 days is too short to experience all of vegas! plus the trip was ill planned...we didn't really know what to do though there were millions of things to do & see. Gambled a bit & lost =(... Joni won some though! & my cousin carla won about $1000...so sometimes you win & like me sometimes you lose lol. Next time i go to vegas i really want to ride the stratosphere! this ride is soo crazy, just looking at it makes my heart beat fast!it also holds the world record for highest building w/ rides on it or something. Vegas at night is really beautiful as well both at the strip & at the mountain area (where my cousin resides). Overall, the trip was short but fun & i love spending time with my cousins who i havent seen in a long time.

On the treatment side of things..i've met my deductible so i could start recieving treatment in the office & at home!!! YAY! that means no more hospital stays! Thank God! I am still getting white blood cell shots because the chemo kills all my good cells! My sister says it doesnt look like i have cancer & i agree with her, but then again what's cancer suppose to look like? I guess i am one of the lucky ones..the 40% who dont lose their hair...& the select few who meet cancer head on without complications...BUT then again i am only halfway through my treatment... so lets celebrate! Tuesday will be my 6th round! then after that 6 more to go.

Cambria is still the same..she is saying more words now though. She says wawa for water & says whats that a lot or oh no. She also talks so much gibberish which is so funny. The other day we met our neighbor outside with his bulldog & cambria just went up to the dog..i was scared but she is so fearless, which isnt surprising because her grandma has two big dogs & she loves animals. I am glad she isnt scared, our neighbor was surprised though..he said usuallypeople will walk the other way. Not my baby! =)

More exciting news!! our apple is coming to visit us!!

Love, Ba

Sorry I haven't been blogging for a while! I've just been occupied lately. Yesterday we walked to the park(its a really beautiful park too)...i literally felt like i walked a marathon! Driving in the car i would always think i should bring cambria there..its not so far, but boy oh boy...walking there is far LOL! She had a blast though her jeans were giving her a hard time climbing up the steps to get to the slide.
Afterward when we were walking back home..cambria was so tired..i was trying to post a video up on this..but its not going through so i'll post it up on facebook!

withlove,BA

blissful & blessed

For the first time in a long time..i can say i am truly happy with how my life is turning out. I know God has given me many challenges and obstacles, but nothing is ever too much with him by my side. I've experienced the worst..& now i am even more grateful,thankful& fortunate for everything & everyone*

withlove,ba

Round 3..over & done with. This time around..it was harder for me..just because i feel so helpless & it doesn't help that i have no source of fun..Just lying there waiting for the medicine to finish..is really hard. It literally is driving me insane thinking about it.. The second worst thing..is getting flushed! i hate that as much as taking pills or waiting (those who know me--know i cant take pills..)
Well getting flushed is like taking medicine but through the IV & its not really medicine..its just to clean the vein--make sure its not clotted up. A flush is just normal saline..but no matter where i get it through my port on my chest or through a regular iv on my arm..for some reason..i can smell it & taste it..its horrible..i feel like throwing up everytime..

Okay..enough about my storm. There were several storms back to back in the LA county..parts of glendale had to evacute..but not us. We are safe..it seems those storms have passed as well.

Cambria updates: she is still full of energy..& silly & funny as she always is.

withlove, ba

weekend!

Why when we know we have to fast its so much harder? But usually..i never even eat after midnight? haha. its a mental thing, i guess. Well tomorrow i get my full body scan to see if the cancer has spread..or if the chemo is working i guess? Wish me luck!

I am excited for this weekend..after my scan, my friend from saipan who I've known since i was in the 5th grade & spent almost everyday with for about 3 years who I haven't seen since 8th grade which was like 6 to 7 years is coming to pick me up & we are going to catch up. I am so so excited!!! I remember always going to subway with her after school, or go to her house & make s'mores just waiting to go to swim practice. Or hotel nights at royal orchid on Guam or going to the mall in our oversized SSC (saipan swim club) tees & our bathing suits just underneath right after we finished a meet. Aah..the good ol days..when i had no worries.. I think when Cambria turns 4 or 5 i'll put her to swim practice..& even if she doesnt love it as i did or decided to swim professional..i think living on an island you must know how to swim..its only practical..dont you think?

Saturday..we are going to head over to my cousin Donna's house & my other cousins from Vegas will be coming over too. So i cant wait for that as well..this weekend will be enjoyable!

Cambria is yelling at me right now..so i have to get off!

with love, ba

sad..

Just watching all the videos on voice of Guam on youtube..check it out :
http://www.youtube.com/user/voiceofguam

I really wish i was there to listen, support & educate myself more on the issue of the military build-up on Guam.

yesterday was eventful. My nina who i haven't seen since i was in the 3rd grade came for a visit with my godbrother & sister..who i met for the first time. Cambria had fun playing with my godbrother..i bet she misses her daycare & all her friends already.

This morning i woke up with cambria talking and talking..though i didnt understand a word she was saying it was great. She just kept on going like she was having an actual conversation. Listening to "raining jane"..its so soothing , i like it very much..you should listen to it. Thats all for now.

with love, ba

round two over & done

what was suppose to be a two day stay at the hospital..ended up being a 4 day stay..eer! so irritated.. three nurses on the first day couldn't access the vap(port) so they had to give me chemo through my arm again..the second day the surgeon came by to access the port himself..there wasn't any blood return so they needed to get an xray on it to see if the port was working properly..it was but no blood return..so i am thinking i'll still be getting poked for blood from now on & either way getting it through my vap or arm i still think it sucks.

so round two..over & down with..10 more to go. (not looking forward to it.ugh)

with love, BA

cambria's update & 2nd dose

Cambria is still very active more now then ever. She has not been fussy much & i am glad! Her molars (back teeth) are coming in one in each side. We went to China town today & she had a blast esp. looking at the fish. Cambria learned about 2 days ago how to take off her diapers so its been fun lol. She would run around..& run away from me when i try to put it back on..she if such like her daddy..even pulling her pj bottoms down her butt!! & she knows its funny because she goes on her laughing rampage.

My 2nd dose of chemotherapy is tomorrow..i'll be admitted again for about 2 days & they are going to access the vap(port) too..so my arm won't hurt as much...my right arm is actually swollen since 2 weeks ago..Dr.Sene told me the small veins hate the chemo & thats why it gets so inflammed..so thank God for my port!! Tonight..mom& i are going to watch "Up in the air".

with love, BA

legal in all states!

Well my 21st isnt what i intended it to be..since i didnt go all out on my 18 (legal on guam) ..i always wanted to do it big but since i am here...that didnt happen..but nonetheless it was amazing! woke up like 5 in the morning..tks to cambria ( i think she knew it was my bday haha). went to santa monica later that day..about 15 min. drive..the place is beautiful. Next time i go..i'll step into the ocean! Mom & I rode the faris wheel..that was fun & funny bc mom was scared lol! Had dinner at Bubba gump--yum! They even sang & danced for me.. =D

After dinner..the rush kicked in..i went & had a jump at the trapeze..though it hurt my hands holding on to the bar..it was such an adrenaline rush! my heart was pumping so FAST! i even did a ninja move--yo yo..lol

In the end..it was blessed. Thank you everyone who wished me happy bday!

with love, BA

Updates: First chemo treatment started Dec.22, had surgery for the vap(port),everything went smoothly..minimal side effects THANK GOD for that & allowing me to get out of the hospital on Christmas day. Christmas day had lunch/dinner with the family--auntie beng shoda's fam/uncle burno's/&cousin donna's fam.

Cousins Charlie& Michelle, Ben, & Pete came for a two day visit--watched "it's complicated" two thumbs up to that! Went to hollywood & staples center. Had a great time w/ them! & cant wait to do it again--hopefully Ben's bday we will go to disneyland!!

with love, BA

trying this out.

Okay, this is unofficially my first blog. I’ve decided to make this so I can document all my joys,sorrows—basically my life as I know it. I thought of a diary but then I am always on the computer so this is much more convenient for me. Plus, I would like to share if you all..& it’s much easier to tell it once as well as remember telling you since I am all the way here & you are all on Guam. Oh & pls. forgive my grammatical errors –I type with no intentions of looking it over( I feel it’s a lot more easier again & its much more real the first time—don’t you think?)

with love, BA